My first winter in New Haven was cold,really cold. There were record breaking snowfalls levels, and low temperatures were put in the history books during the winter of 1977-78. There was so much snow that students took the dining hall trays and used them as sleds to go down Science Hill.
All of the athletes wore hooded sweatshirts. After showering at Payne Whitney Gymnasium, they would put on their hooded sweatshirts to return to their residential colleges on those very cold days in New Haven.
I hate cold weather. I was born in the Midwest and was raised in a town that is cold and gray for at least six months every year. I should be accustomed to the cold but I still hate it. So when it got very cold in New Haven, I went to the Yale Co-op and bought a grey hooded sweatshirt with Yale printed on the front.
Today, hooded sweatshirts are sterotypically worn by criminals to hide their identity from security cameras. When I bought my first hooded sweatshirt over 30 years ago, I would have never suspected a member of the Yale football team to be a criminal. I feel sad that my son may be targeted as a criminal just because he chooses to wear a hooded sweatshirt.
One day--- I hope that a person's choice of clothing does not lead to them getting killed. To make an assumption about the content of a person's character, based on what a person is wearing, is wrong.
In memory of Trayvon Martin.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Corporal Punishment
Earlier this week in the news there was a story about a teacher who had told her class to line up and hit the "class bully". I was appalled and immediately thought that the teacher was the real bully. She was training future generations of children to use corporal punishment to solve their problems.
I was relieved to hear that the teacher was fired and being prosecuted for reckless endangerment of the children in her class. What would have happened if the "Bully" had been injured by the repetitive hitting? Is it really the right answer to punish someone who teases, taunts and even hits his or her classmates by using the same bad behavior.
During slavery, owners would beat their property if they misbehaved or tried to run away. Slavery was outlawed. Parents should know that in some states if you use any object other than an open hand to spank your child, you will be arrested and may go to jail. I think that all people should follow a simple rule that I instilled in my children at a very young age:
"No biting, no fighting, no hitting nor scratching."
These are very simple rules but they also teach children how to solve their problems without using violence. Why do parents think it is fine to teach children not to hit but then turn around and use corporal punishment on their children when they misbehave or make a mistake? I do not understand this logic.
I was raised as a Baptist. You were considered a good parent if you spanked your child. When I was very young, my mother would make me get my own switch from a tree outside our house to beat me. My father only spanked me once with his hand. I learned from him that corporal punishment was not needed to discipline a child. "Spare the rod, spoil the child", does not give a parent the right to beat their children. If you believe every passage in the Bible, you would kill a person at the same time you turn the other cheek.
How many studies have been published about the detrimental impact of spanking a child? In movies such as "Roots" and "Amistad", the depiction of humans being beaten by their owners is enough to make you questions ever hitting any person. Why would a parent want to hit their child?
If you were raised by a parent who hit you, you will be more likely to use this form of punishment on your children. Does it make it right? If you were raised by a sexual molester, would you molest your own children? Does it make it right? The answer to both questions is a sharp, "NO!"
We are living in the 21st century. We should be able to say that humans have evolved beyond violence. Sadly, as a species I feel as if we are returning to the Stone Ages. Should clubbing and hitting be our only form of communication?
I never hit my children. They knew when they had misbehaved or had not obeyed a rule. They knew there would be consequences for bad behavior and I would enforce my punishments. Sometimes parents want to be friends with their children. Make friends with other adults and parent your children so that they grow up to be self sufficient and functional adults.
Parenting is hard and it takes discipline. If you are too tired to hand out a punishment without resorting to beating your child, then take a parent time out and deliver the punishment when you are in control of your emotions. If you can't set an example for your children about how to control your own emotions, how can you expect them to control theirs?
I was relieved to hear that the teacher was fired and being prosecuted for reckless endangerment of the children in her class. What would have happened if the "Bully" had been injured by the repetitive hitting? Is it really the right answer to punish someone who teases, taunts and even hits his or her classmates by using the same bad behavior.
During slavery, owners would beat their property if they misbehaved or tried to run away. Slavery was outlawed. Parents should know that in some states if you use any object other than an open hand to spank your child, you will be arrested and may go to jail. I think that all people should follow a simple rule that I instilled in my children at a very young age:
"No biting, no fighting, no hitting nor scratching."
These are very simple rules but they also teach children how to solve their problems without using violence. Why do parents think it is fine to teach children not to hit but then turn around and use corporal punishment on their children when they misbehave or make a mistake? I do not understand this logic.
I was raised as a Baptist. You were considered a good parent if you spanked your child. When I was very young, my mother would make me get my own switch from a tree outside our house to beat me. My father only spanked me once with his hand. I learned from him that corporal punishment was not needed to discipline a child. "Spare the rod, spoil the child", does not give a parent the right to beat their children. If you believe every passage in the Bible, you would kill a person at the same time you turn the other cheek.
How many studies have been published about the detrimental impact of spanking a child? In movies such as "Roots" and "Amistad", the depiction of humans being beaten by their owners is enough to make you questions ever hitting any person. Why would a parent want to hit their child?
If you were raised by a parent who hit you, you will be more likely to use this form of punishment on your children. Does it make it right? If you were raised by a sexual molester, would you molest your own children? Does it make it right? The answer to both questions is a sharp, "NO!"
We are living in the 21st century. We should be able to say that humans have evolved beyond violence. Sadly, as a species I feel as if we are returning to the Stone Ages. Should clubbing and hitting be our only form of communication?
I never hit my children. They knew when they had misbehaved or had not obeyed a rule. They knew there would be consequences for bad behavior and I would enforce my punishments. Sometimes parents want to be friends with their children. Make friends with other adults and parent your children so that they grow up to be self sufficient and functional adults.
Parenting is hard and it takes discipline. If you are too tired to hand out a punishment without resorting to beating your child, then take a parent time out and deliver the punishment when you are in control of your emotions. If you can't set an example for your children about how to control your own emotions, how can you expect them to control theirs?
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Why I Quit
My friends and family told me to read the article that is the cover story of the Atlantic magazine in the July/August 2012 issue. I am sharing this article with all of my friends because it summarizes what I could never articulate so succinctly.
YOU MUST READ IT.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/
WE MUST CHANGE THE WORKPLACE FOR OUR DAUGHTERS AND SONS. NOW.
DAYM
YOU MUST READ IT.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/
WE MUST CHANGE THE WORKPLACE FOR OUR DAUGHTERS AND SONS. NOW.
DAYM
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The Best Dad
I had an amazing father. He was my best friend. He taught me so much about life and how to be the parent that I am today. He was giving and loving and shared all that he had with my brother and myself. I hope there are lots of other sons and daughters that feel the same way about their dads.
My father taught me how to read and encouraged me to be a life-long learner. When I was accepted at Yale, he was very proud of me. After my first semester, I wanted to transfer to a local college. He made me stay and said that he did not raise quitters. I was very homesick and wanted to be closer to home. He told me to call him whenever I wanted or needed to talk. One month during my first year I had a $500.00 phone bill.
By the time I finished my freshman year, I was happy that I stayed at Yale. Sometimes parents need to practice tough love in order for their children to be successful in life. He had high expectations for me and wanted to make sure that I achieved my goals; Yet, he was gentle and firm all at the same time.
After graduation I worked at Goldman Sachs as a financial analyst. He had never heard of an investment bank. I don't think he understood what I did but encouraged me to work hard. He was a child of the Depression and did not trust the Stock Market. He had invested in real assets and was able to send me to Yale without any scholarships or financial aid.
During WWII, my father was a Buffalo Soldier in the last mounted calvary before the troop was disbanded. He got to see the world as a soldier and encouraged me to travel, even when he was too busy to accompany me. He believed that seeing the world would give me a better appreciation for my own country. He was so right.
He was not the traditional father figure. He did the grocery shopping, cooked all the meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry and was also a great provider. I look at other men today and wonder why they can't assume a few more tasks at home. It is possible to work outside the home and wash a few loads of laundry. I saw my father do so many things around the house. It is kind of funny when I think about it now; I thought all dads did these chores.
He loved the Earth and each year planted an award winning vegetable garden with corn, squash, tomatoes, beans and broccoli. He fostered my passion for gardening and how to care for all living things.
He showed me, by example, how to love my children unconditionally. If I made a mistake, he would talk to me about what I did wrong in a way that I never questioned his love. He also showed me what it means to sacrifice one's dreams and desires to make sure that the next generation has the opportunity to excel.
I love my father, and even though he passed away 15 years ago, my love for him never fades. I was blessed to be loved by someone so special.
My father taught me how to read and encouraged me to be a life-long learner. When I was accepted at Yale, he was very proud of me. After my first semester, I wanted to transfer to a local college. He made me stay and said that he did not raise quitters. I was very homesick and wanted to be closer to home. He told me to call him whenever I wanted or needed to talk. One month during my first year I had a $500.00 phone bill.
By the time I finished my freshman year, I was happy that I stayed at Yale. Sometimes parents need to practice tough love in order for their children to be successful in life. He had high expectations for me and wanted to make sure that I achieved my goals; Yet, he was gentle and firm all at the same time.
After graduation I worked at Goldman Sachs as a financial analyst. He had never heard of an investment bank. I don't think he understood what I did but encouraged me to work hard. He was a child of the Depression and did not trust the Stock Market. He had invested in real assets and was able to send me to Yale without any scholarships or financial aid.
During WWII, my father was a Buffalo Soldier in the last mounted calvary before the troop was disbanded. He got to see the world as a soldier and encouraged me to travel, even when he was too busy to accompany me. He believed that seeing the world would give me a better appreciation for my own country. He was so right.
He was not the traditional father figure. He did the grocery shopping, cooked all the meals, cleaned the house, did the laundry and was also a great provider. I look at other men today and wonder why they can't assume a few more tasks at home. It is possible to work outside the home and wash a few loads of laundry. I saw my father do so many things around the house. It is kind of funny when I think about it now; I thought all dads did these chores.
He loved the Earth and each year planted an award winning vegetable garden with corn, squash, tomatoes, beans and broccoli. He fostered my passion for gardening and how to care for all living things.
He showed me, by example, how to love my children unconditionally. If I made a mistake, he would talk to me about what I did wrong in a way that I never questioned his love. He also showed me what it means to sacrifice one's dreams and desires to make sure that the next generation has the opportunity to excel.
I love my father, and even though he passed away 15 years ago, my love for him never fades. I was blessed to be loved by someone so special.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Equal Pay for Equal Work
I think that it is ridiculous that women in the year 2012 are still not getting paid for the work that they do.
I have two daughters and I know how hard they work. They are smarter than most of the boys their age. They are more mature than most boys their age; so why should they be punished because of their gender?
Just because a woman may choose one day to have a child or not to have a child should not determine how much she is paid when she begins her career.
Women should take a stand today and just say,"No!"
Just say no to systemic discrimination for your daughters sake. There are more women than men in most colleges. There are more women than men in the United States today. So why do we let most men and a few women decide how much we should get paid for doing the same a work as a man.
When I was pregnant with my second child, I was put on bed rest for three months. After I delivered my daughter by emergency cesarean, I returned to work in 5 weeks. I could not drive or lift anything greater than 10 pounds. My boss told me you better get back to work soon before you lose your job.
In retrospect, my company was unfair to me. Gender discrimination was prevalent in the 1980's and 1990's. If a man had a heart attack while working, the company could not fire him. They would have to find a temporary replacement to fill the job or delegate his duties to other employees. In this situation there is no advance warning or time to plan. Heart attacks or any other sudden health crisis are not expected and can not be planned for.
Maternity is very easy to build into a corporation's work schedule and into their short term plans. So why are pregnancies treated so very differently from unexpected illnesses? Because we let men get away with it. Demand your fair pay and do not let any boss bully you into thinking that you are worth less just because you are having a baby.
Men can not multi-task as well as women and so they naturally assume that women can not either. Today, 77% of all mothers work outside of the home. We are no longer living in the 1950's when we had very little choice but to stay at home.
Is motherhood a real excuse for unequal pay or is it a reason for men and some women to pay less to a woman because she may take some days off from work? Everyone has unexpected situations that may cause them to miss work but mothers should not be penalized for having children. Everyone takes time off from work regardless of gender.
Have you seen the cost of college tuitions lately? Go to the Working Mother Magazine and find a female friendly work environment and get a job there if your boss is insensitive. My old company now has an emergency childcare facility at one of its offices, just in case your child gets sick and can't go to school or if the nanny is unable to come to work. If only they had childcare on site when I was a young mother, my life might have turned out quite differently.
There are companies that value the women who work for them. If you can't find one, then start your own company.
MOTHERHOOD SHOULD NOT BE A CAUSE FOR PAY INEQUALITY. This is the 21st Century.
DAYM
I have two daughters and I know how hard they work. They are smarter than most of the boys their age. They are more mature than most boys their age; so why should they be punished because of their gender?
Just because a woman may choose one day to have a child or not to have a child should not determine how much she is paid when she begins her career.
Women should take a stand today and just say,"No!"
Just say no to systemic discrimination for your daughters sake. There are more women than men in most colleges. There are more women than men in the United States today. So why do we let most men and a few women decide how much we should get paid for doing the same a work as a man.
When I was pregnant with my second child, I was put on bed rest for three months. After I delivered my daughter by emergency cesarean, I returned to work in 5 weeks. I could not drive or lift anything greater than 10 pounds. My boss told me you better get back to work soon before you lose your job.
In retrospect, my company was unfair to me. Gender discrimination was prevalent in the 1980's and 1990's. If a man had a heart attack while working, the company could not fire him. They would have to find a temporary replacement to fill the job or delegate his duties to other employees. In this situation there is no advance warning or time to plan. Heart attacks or any other sudden health crisis are not expected and can not be planned for.
Maternity is very easy to build into a corporation's work schedule and into their short term plans. So why are pregnancies treated so very differently from unexpected illnesses? Because we let men get away with it. Demand your fair pay and do not let any boss bully you into thinking that you are worth less just because you are having a baby.
Men can not multi-task as well as women and so they naturally assume that women can not either. Today, 77% of all mothers work outside of the home. We are no longer living in the 1950's when we had very little choice but to stay at home.
Is motherhood a real excuse for unequal pay or is it a reason for men and some women to pay less to a woman because she may take some days off from work? Everyone has unexpected situations that may cause them to miss work but mothers should not be penalized for having children. Everyone takes time off from work regardless of gender.
Have you seen the cost of college tuitions lately? Go to the Working Mother Magazine and find a female friendly work environment and get a job there if your boss is insensitive. My old company now has an emergency childcare facility at one of its offices, just in case your child gets sick and can't go to school or if the nanny is unable to come to work. If only they had childcare on site when I was a young mother, my life might have turned out quite differently.
There are companies that value the women who work for them. If you can't find one, then start your own company.
MOTHERHOOD SHOULD NOT BE A CAUSE FOR PAY INEQUALITY. This is the 21st Century.
DAYM
Sunday, June 10, 2012
It's My Birthday!
I am 53 years old today and very proud of my age. I have never pretended to be younger or older. I am grateful for every day that I have been blessed to be on this planet.
I have several friends who died young and I will never take life for granted. You never know how long you have on Earth.
My children are 24, 19 and 17 years old. I can not pretend to be 29 years old. If you do the math on that story, I would have given birth at 5 years of age.
Really. Not really.
I am proud to be alive. I am happy to be surrounded on this day by my children. I really enjoy their company. I can't imagine my life without them.
Thank you for making my life complete. I am loved and I love them very much.
I hope if you are reading this blog today you will wish me many more years to celebrate my birthday.
I have several friends who died young and I will never take life for granted. You never know how long you have on Earth.
My children are 24, 19 and 17 years old. I can not pretend to be 29 years old. If you do the math on that story, I would have given birth at 5 years of age.
Really. Not really.
I am proud to be alive. I am happy to be surrounded on this day by my children. I really enjoy their company. I can't imagine my life without them.
Thank you for making my life complete. I am loved and I love them very much.
I hope if you are reading this blog today you will wish me many more years to celebrate my birthday.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Graduation Time Again
One year ago, my youngest daughter graduated from high school. I have a few tears in my eyes thinking about how quickly time flies. Last week, she was home for only 5 days after completing her first year of college. It is almost unbelievable that she will be a sophomore at Uni( a slang word for university in the UK).
I just returned from Washington DC where she has a summer internship in communications. She is an amazing journalist and she is learning from the best. She was offered two internships during a time when many college students can not find one job. I feel blessed that all of her hard work has finally paid off.
She edits my writing and when I publish my book her touch will be evident. I am proud to say that she is an amazing writer. Her favorite high school teacher, approached her sister at an event last month. He told my oldest daughter that her sister was one of the best writers he had ever taught.
Do you see me beaming? My smile reaches across the page.
I miss her very much this summer. She was home for most of last summer. She was having the time of her life. She attended more graduation parties than anyone that I have ever known. It seemed as if the parties would go on forever. She traveled to the Dominican Republic, New York and Connecticut. She was even supposed to go to Tennessee for the Bonnaroo Music Festival with a group of her classmates. They were going to sleep in tents and live like the flower children of the 60's. She was supposed to drive for 10 hours with 2 friends and then camp out for 3 days in the woods.
The experience sounded like a repeat of Woodstock. In 2010, we visited the famous site of the Woodstock Music festival in upstate New York. My daughter loved it. My daughter has always been a fan of the 60's. She took a class in high school called "Music of the 60's". She got an A in the class. I sometimes think that she was a "love child" in another life.
I am happy to report that after months of worry, she decided not to go the music festival in Tennessee. I was so relieved that she did not to go. I still worry about her driving on the highway. I guess I need to accept that she is only months away from not being a teenager anymore.
Where did the time go? Twenty years ago, I was moving to a new city, starting a new job, buying a house and pregnant with my second baby. That baby is now 19.5 years old.
"Life is a journey, not a destination." Souza
Enjoy the journey. When your children are born, you never know where their journey will take you.
DAYM
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