Lives Touched, Lives Changed, and Lasting Impact

Diary of a Yale Mom

Lives Touched, Lives Changed, and Lasting Impact

How many lives have you touched? Even before I was a mother, I was mothering by being a mentor. I have been a mentor for as long as I can remember. I have always wanted to help other people, even when I was young. I know I inherited this gene from my parents, who both reached out their hands to family as well as to perfect strangers.

My parents migrated from the south to the north in the 1940’s when World War II created numerous opportunities for better employment and a better life. When my mother’s nine younger siblings finished high school, each one got on a train or bus bound for somewhere, and bound for a better life, too. They all lived with my mother or one of their other siblings. I was not born yet when all of this migration took place, but I have witnessed with my own eyes my parents helping neighbors who became ill, volunteering for street club activities, buying groceries for strangers who needed a few extra dollars, and just being nice to all people regardless of socioeconomic status.

This generosity of spirit has made me a better mother and parent to my own children, to younger Yale students, and to non-Yalies who asked for my advice. After all, why should you let someone make a mistake you have already made? There are a lot of people who see an advantage in letting other people make the same mistakes that they have made, perceiving that this may give them a competitive advantage. I see our society as a place that would have never advanced beyond the Stone Age if people had not helped one another. The non-zero sum gain is when 1+1 =3, and happens when your efforts are multiplied and magnified to change society, not just to further your individual pursuits. Society as a whole should consider this idea in terms of procreation.

Do we expect that children will achieve the same level of success as did their parents and grandparents, or do we want them to excel beyond our own accomplishments? What will the future look like? What will future generations accomplish and achieve? Isn’t the dream for our grandchildren’s children to live in a better society and a better world? Or are we only interested in our own personal gain?

My daughter is 18 years old today. I am proud to report that she is a better writer than I will ever be. She is an amazing thinker who has written about Post Traumatic Stress Disorders, the French Banning the Burqa, Bullying, Gossip, Facebook, Myanmar and Political Debates. I have always been a big picture person, but I think that things like our dinner conversations and the reading materials always lying around the house have helped open for her the world to explore and examine. I know that she will be the next Maureen Dowd, or a UN Peacekeeper, or whatever she wants to be. I have given her permission to be whatever she wants to be, and to excel beyond whatever accomplishments I have been fortunate enough to achieve myself.

I hope that all mothers will give their children the opportunity to be all they can be. Why else do we have children? Yes, why does anyone have a child? I hope mothers make the world be a better place simply because you have something to give to and teach your children that will enable a non zero sum gain for the world.

Happy Birthday, My “Summer of Love” Daughter.

Diary of a Yale Mom