Leashes Vs. A Mother's Touch

Diary of a Yale Mom

Leashes vs. A Mother’s Touch

12-1-10

Three children can be very demanding at times. I remember when the children were 1, 3 and 8 years old and I tried to take them to the grocery store to do my weekly shopping. When I left the store frazzled with barely enough groceries for a day, let alone the week, and with three cranky kids, I promised that I would never take them shopping again by myself.

Supermoms think they can do it all at the same time. When we realize that we can’t do it all at once, we sometimes try to solve problems in crazy ways. Our generation is very mobile. Mobility is not compatible with very young children. When I realized that I could not afford a nanny or sitter to help me all of the time, I bought a leash to keep my oldest child from running away from me. In retrospect, this was a bad idea, but I was desperate at the time.

I had planned a trip to California and Las Vegas to visit Disneyland and family. I flew to California from the East Coast with all three children. Call me crazy but I wanted them to see my brother and my first niece. Someone was scheduled to meet me at the gate (pre 9/11/01), but I had to fly over five hours on a commercial airplane with three children all alone.

Did I really need to make this trip by myself? No, but I was really naive, stupid, overconfident, and maybe just plain crazy. Of course, no one ever sat me down and said I don’t think this is a very smart idea. Even though the smaller children were in a double stroller, I was overwhelmed. Looking back from the ripe old age of 50-something, I now know that traveling alone with three small children was irrational.

When my oldest was 18 months old, I went to Sears to buy a vacuum cleaner. My parents came with me to watch her while I made my purchase. While I was shopping, she looked down the aisle in the appliance department and saw a runner’s track instead. Before I could test some of the latest models of vacuum cleaners, she was off to the races. She laughed and screamed, “You can’t catch me”, and she was gone. My poor parents did not have a chance because she was very fast. I sprinted after her, but still could not catch her. I was huffing and puffing and very angry when she ran out of steam and stopped. My instinct was to spank her, but when I put my arms around her, she started to laugh hysterically and said, “Mommy, you caught me. You are it!” She was just playing “hide and seek” in the appliance aisles of Sears. To her, Sears was the playground.

Mothers should understand that small children do not distinguish between a schoolyard and a big box store. They see both as spaces for what we would call creative play. With lots of aisles and space to run, Sears, to a toddler, is easily mistaken for a playground. Now when I see young mother’s at Sam’s, Costco’s or BJ’s with small children without someone to help them, I wonder if anyone has told them why this is not a good idea. The new carts that look like a Little Tykes castle only reinforce the idea that the store is a playground. Thus, no one should be surprised when the kids attempt to escape from the castle to go for a little run.

The leash did not work! She was too smart and too inquisitive. As soon as she saw something that interested her in the airport while I was attending the needs of one of the younger children, she pulled apart the Velcro strap on her wristlet and was gone. Once I realized that she had escaped, I panicked. Luckily, however, I found her in a second at a display of teddy bears at the newsstand across from our gate.

You need to be able to accept as a parent when you are outnumbered. Off with the leash. I put it in the garbage and never put myself in that situation again. You can feel your child leave you if you are holding his or her hand. If you need a leash to control your children, remember they are not dogs. They need your warm loving hands. Don’t drag your children all over if you cannot control them.

Sincerely and Not Condescendingly,
Diary of a Yale Mom