After participating for the fifth time in a college information weekend for my children, and now that my younger daughter has completed and submitted all of her college applications, and before my son earnestly begins his college search, I must talk about the “College Fire Walk”. The college fire walk is a time for your children to walk across the hot stones that will lead them to select the college that is right for them.
FACT: You shouldn’t brainwash your child.
REALITY: Although you shouldn’t brainwash your child, brainwashing sometimes is highly effective.
I confess to buying my oldest daughter a Yale t-shirt and baseball cap before she was born. My husband bought her a set of surgeon scrubs. She eventually went to Yale. We began the official college search process for real with her during her 10th grade year. But waiting until your child is sixteen years old may be too late. I believe that a child’s educational path is laid on a foundation that you establish at birth. That foundation involves the sort of “brainwashing” that includes reading every night to your children before bed and instilling in them the love of learning when they are young. As a parent, you yourself must read books to set an example for your children. “Do as I say, but not as I do” is convenient sometimes, but has never really worked. We have a lot of books in use at our home.
Instilling that love of learning also means establishing and demonstrating good intellectual habits and routines. When your children start doing homework on a regular basis, make rules about using the TV and all other types of media while they are studying. TURN OFF the TV, Radio, Social Media (Facebook, Skype, AIM, and the like), Smart Phones, and Internet (unless they are doing an online assignment). PARENTS: YOU MUST TURN OFF ALL DISTRACTIONS AS WELL UNTIL YOUR CHILDREN FINISH ALL OF THEIR HOMEWORK.
FACT: The Ivy League was established in 1954 as an athletic conference comprising eight private institutions of higher education in the Northeastern United States.
REALITY: Every child neither can, nor should, go to an Ivy League college.
Parents must understand that attending an Ivy League college neither makes a child a better person nor ensures that a child will be successful in life. An Ivy League education is great if you want your child to have a liberal arts education. But if your child is set on majoring in accounting in order to be an accountant as a career, you should not necessarily send him or her to an Ivy League college. Yale, for example, offers but one undergraduate accounting course and no major. If, however, your child is interested in Economics, then an Ivy League college may be a good place to start. If your child wants to go into investment banking, Harvard, Yale or Princeton may be a great place to begin your college search if only because investment banks come to these schools to recruit a small number of graduating Seniors from these institutions.
If your child wants to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, s/he might be just as well, if not better, off attending a “Big Ten” State College. If you want your child to be trained for a specific trade without further specific training, do not dream of an Ivy League education with a major in English or History. However, if your children have no idea of what they want to do as adults, I advise that they go to a liberal arts college and learn a lot of different things.
MYTH: An Ivy League degree guarantees a higher total income throughout one's lifetime.
REALITY: Of the top twelve self-made billionaires in the United States, only two have college degrees.
Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard. Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard. Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College. Warren Buffet attended Wharton School of Business for two years but said that he knew more than did his teachers. He graduated from the University of Nebraska with a B.S. degree and Columbia University with an M.S. degree. Apparently, he was rejected by Harvard Business School which deemed him too young when he applied.
Moreover, I know a number of Yalies who either do not have jobs or, like me, have chosen to take a path that is not highly regarded in terms of careers. Raising three children is a full-time job that is to me worth every penny of ‘lost’ income.
MYTH: You can only get a truly great education from an Ivy League college because only there do great professors teach.
REALITY: You can get a great education from a number of different colleges that are not part of the “Ivy League”. There are a number of great professors who teach at state colleges.
As a parent, your biggest job is to help your children identify their gifts, strengths and passions. You and your child need to visit potential colleges, either online or in person, to see if he or she would be better served by a university with, say, 50,000 students, or by a small rural liberal arts college, or by a medium-sized city college. You need to see if the programs of study fit with your child’s strengths and passions. Why would you send your child, who wants to major in engineering, to a college that does not offer an engineering degree? Of course, a caveat to this advice is that teenagers typically do not have a genuine sense of what they really want to do when they grow up. So make sure that they pick a school where they have options should they want to change their major. As someone at the most recent college fair put it, “College should not be a prison sentence with a four year fine of tuition”. Of course, if your child finds s/he is in a wholly unsuitable place, one can usually transfer to another college.
With respect to Ivy League schools, though, don’t force a fit with your child just because you have always dreamed that they would attend “an Ivy” or any other specific college. Remember that “Ivy League” strictly speaking refers to an athletic conference, and although the schools that make up the “Ivies” are wonderful institutions of higher learning, they are not the right “fit” for every student.
The selection of a college is a very important decision in a young adult's life and parents are an integral part of helping their child with the choice. Enjoy this special time with your children.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Perfection Is Not Possible!
I grew up with a mother who never thought that my brother and I did anything right. I think that she thought she could always do it better. My brother ended up giving up at a certain point after being belittled and berated for so long that his self esteem was permanently damaged. She used to correct him when he washed the dishes or cut the grass or even while he was sweeping the kitchen floor. Now at the ripe old age of 67, he will not try to do any of these tasks for fear of retribution from my mother.
I, being the youngest child, observed these painful episodes and decided to try to be perfect in every way. It started with simple chores at home to trying to get A's in every subject in school. I think that I just wanted my mother's love and approval, however, you can never please some people. I realized as I got older that there was always someone smarter than me.
When I got to Yale, I was a little fish in a big pond. I did well in my classes but I was no longer always the smartest kid in the room. I realized that there will always be someone smarter than you and maybe you can learn something from them.
Collaborating with other smart people elevates your mental abilities. Collaborating with others gives you an opportunity to share best practices and achieve the non-zero sum gain effect ("NONZERO: The Logic of Human Destiny" by Robert Wright) that I know is the only reason that society evolved beyond the caveman.
Why not explore new ways of doing things? For example, why not talk to other mother's to see if they have a better way of getting your child to sleep in their own bed? Why not ask other people why they may chose to let their children sleep in the bed with them sometimes? I know that I have mentioned this before but there are sometimes valid reasons to let your kids get in the bed with you.
If you travel three days a week and don't get to spend a consistent amount of time with your children daily, I think it is fine if when you get home from a long trip for your child or children to get in bed with you. I used to read to my children in bed and tell them stories of my travels. It turned into quality bonding time that I did not have on a daily basis because of my job. I remember my poor husband picking up each child and carrying them back to their beds before midnight. They never stayed in our bed all night but they felt my love and warmth and were comforted knowing that I really cared for them even if I was away a lot.
What I am really trying to say is there is more than one way to parent a child. I think if we all take a look at what really works for other mothers and give it a try we might learn something new. I think we should always accept that there are multiple ways to raise healthy and well-adjusted children. If you sweep the floor in a different way from your mother and yet get all the dirt off the floor, then why not do it your way?
I have done things differently for a long time and am proud to say that not all of my ideas have worked but at least I am willing to try something new.
Diary of a Yale Mom
I, being the youngest child, observed these painful episodes and decided to try to be perfect in every way. It started with simple chores at home to trying to get A's in every subject in school. I think that I just wanted my mother's love and approval, however, you can never please some people. I realized as I got older that there was always someone smarter than me.
When I got to Yale, I was a little fish in a big pond. I did well in my classes but I was no longer always the smartest kid in the room. I realized that there will always be someone smarter than you and maybe you can learn something from them.
Collaborating with other smart people elevates your mental abilities. Collaborating with others gives you an opportunity to share best practices and achieve the non-zero sum gain effect ("NONZERO: The Logic of Human Destiny" by Robert Wright) that I know is the only reason that society evolved beyond the caveman.
Why not explore new ways of doing things? For example, why not talk to other mother's to see if they have a better way of getting your child to sleep in their own bed? Why not ask other people why they may chose to let their children sleep in the bed with them sometimes? I know that I have mentioned this before but there are sometimes valid reasons to let your kids get in the bed with you.
If you travel three days a week and don't get to spend a consistent amount of time with your children daily, I think it is fine if when you get home from a long trip for your child or children to get in bed with you. I used to read to my children in bed and tell them stories of my travels. It turned into quality bonding time that I did not have on a daily basis because of my job. I remember my poor husband picking up each child and carrying them back to their beds before midnight. They never stayed in our bed all night but they felt my love and warmth and were comforted knowing that I really cared for them even if I was away a lot.
What I am really trying to say is there is more than one way to parent a child. I think if we all take a look at what really works for other mothers and give it a try we might learn something new. I think we should always accept that there are multiple ways to raise healthy and well-adjusted children. If you sweep the floor in a different way from your mother and yet get all the dirt off the floor, then why not do it your way?
I have done things differently for a long time and am proud to say that not all of my ideas have worked but at least I am willing to try something new.
Diary of a Yale Mom
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Get in the Trenches!
Get in the Trenches!
A recent report suggested that to be happy, a person need spend only 2.5 hours per week with her children. I wonder, though, why have children if you are only going to spend less than a half an hour a day with them?
I always knew that I really wanted to have children – that they wouldn’t represent just another award to admire on my wall. I always wanted to be the hands-on mother who did not delegate her parenting duties to someone else. Deep down in my soul, I believed that I would be a good mother. I know I wanted to be a good mother.
Little did I know then how much work parenting actually requires. I mean real work, hard work, done consistently. And seemingly day in and day out, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for the rest of your life. Once you are a mother, you see, you will always be a mother.
Do you think you are ready? Surely no one is ever really ‘ready’ for the long days and longer nights after one’s babies are born. No one is ever prepared for the real work that it takes to be a mom.
In yesterday’s Wall Street Journal, a ‘Yale Mom’ (a Yale law professor), Amy Chua, describes how Chinese mothers are different from Western, specifically American, mothers. She seems to make some sweeping generalizations which can be misleading. I’d argue that not all Chinese mothers produce concert pianists and not all American mothers raise couch potatoes.
As a ‘Yale Mom’ – that is, a graduate of Yale and a mother of a Yale graduate – I am a hard working mother in every sense of the word. I have gotten ‘into the trenches’ (one of Ms. Chua’s suggestions) with my children to force them to read, practice the piano, participate in sports, and even do a dramatic performance. Discipline and hard work coupled with a strong belief that your child can do anything as long as they practice for 10,000 hours (see Outlier by Malcolm Gladwell) will produce children who are accomplished. There is no mystery about the ingredients necessary to make almost anyone successful. The equation is 90% hard work plus 10% talent.
When you believe in your children all things are possible. That belief, however, must be combined with hours of your children’s practice and your support to achieve the goals that you set for your children and that they set for themselves. I do believe that children come wired with innate abilities and also that mothers should help to identify those gifts then give their children every opportunity to excel using them.
Not everyone is going to be a concert pianist or a world-renowned scientist, but everyone has a gift. As a mom, you can’t get lazy and give up on your child just because your child gets angry with you for pushing him or her to excel. You are their mother first and foremost. If you are friends with your children as well, then you are lucky.
As a mother you are supposed to help mold and shape your children into responsible and self-supporting adults. You owe them your time, energy, and all of your efforts to help them achieve this goal. Your children owe you, too, if you give them your time, energy, support and love. If you are a parent who gives nothing to help your children attain their dreams then I don’t think your children owe you very much.
Not only is parenting hard work, but it also costs lots of money, too, rather than paying you a lot of money. Regardless, parenting is a real job that requires you to invest your time, energy, money, love, and support in order to achieve the outcome you want. And it requires constant learning. I can’t wait to read Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother, due to be released on Tuesday. I hope I will learn some new ways to help my children be the best they can be.
Diary of a Yale Mom
PS-All of my children played the piano. They each then decided to play other instruments including the flute, clarinet, french horn and violin. I am happy that there are more than two instruments in an orchestra.
A recent report suggested that to be happy, a person need spend only 2.5 hours per week with her children. I wonder, though, why have children if you are only going to spend less than a half an hour a day with them?
I always knew that I really wanted to have children – that they wouldn’t represent just another award to admire on my wall. I always wanted to be the hands-on mother who did not delegate her parenting duties to someone else. Deep down in my soul, I believed that I would be a good mother. I know I wanted to be a good mother.
Little did I know then how much work parenting actually requires. I mean real work, hard work, done consistently. And seemingly day in and day out, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for the rest of your life. Once you are a mother, you see, you will always be a mother.
Do you think you are ready? Surely no one is ever really ‘ready’ for the long days and longer nights after one’s babies are born. No one is ever prepared for the real work that it takes to be a mom.
In yesterday’s Wall Street Journal, a ‘Yale Mom’ (a Yale law professor), Amy Chua, describes how Chinese mothers are different from Western, specifically American, mothers. She seems to make some sweeping generalizations which can be misleading. I’d argue that not all Chinese mothers produce concert pianists and not all American mothers raise couch potatoes.
As a ‘Yale Mom’ – that is, a graduate of Yale and a mother of a Yale graduate – I am a hard working mother in every sense of the word. I have gotten ‘into the trenches’ (one of Ms. Chua’s suggestions) with my children to force them to read, practice the piano, participate in sports, and even do a dramatic performance. Discipline and hard work coupled with a strong belief that your child can do anything as long as they practice for 10,000 hours (see Outlier by Malcolm Gladwell) will produce children who are accomplished. There is no mystery about the ingredients necessary to make almost anyone successful. The equation is 90% hard work plus 10% talent.
When you believe in your children all things are possible. That belief, however, must be combined with hours of your children’s practice and your support to achieve the goals that you set for your children and that they set for themselves. I do believe that children come wired with innate abilities and also that mothers should help to identify those gifts then give their children every opportunity to excel using them.
Not everyone is going to be a concert pianist or a world-renowned scientist, but everyone has a gift. As a mom, you can’t get lazy and give up on your child just because your child gets angry with you for pushing him or her to excel. You are their mother first and foremost. If you are friends with your children as well, then you are lucky.
As a mother you are supposed to help mold and shape your children into responsible and self-supporting adults. You owe them your time, energy, and all of your efforts to help them achieve this goal. Your children owe you, too, if you give them your time, energy, support and love. If you are a parent who gives nothing to help your children attain their dreams then I don’t think your children owe you very much.
Not only is parenting hard work, but it also costs lots of money, too, rather than paying you a lot of money. Regardless, parenting is a real job that requires you to invest your time, energy, money, love, and support in order to achieve the outcome you want. And it requires constant learning. I can’t wait to read Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother, due to be released on Tuesday. I hope I will learn some new ways to help my children be the best they can be.
Diary of a Yale Mom
PS-All of my children played the piano. They each then decided to play other instruments including the flute, clarinet, french horn and violin. I am happy that there are more than two instruments in an orchestra.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Sports, Concussions and My Son
Sports, Concussions and My Son
On a rainy day in August my whole family – meaning my three kids, my husband, and I – were stuck inside watching ESPN. Whenever a TV is on in any room with my husband, we all always end up watching ESPN. A special program about concussions captured our collective attention. I was shocked by the facts being presented about brain injuries associated with having concussions, and even more dismayed when I learned about diseases and conditions that are now being linked to having had a concussion.
In particular, links to Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS), to sudden and inexplicable heart attacks, to strokes, and to Parkinson’s disease caught my attention, because MY SON PLAYS FOOTBALL. And everyone acknowledges that concussions occur frequently among football players. Although my son is very fast, he is also tall and thin. His body reminds me of a baseball player’s or a tennis player’s, but not a football player’s. Yet he plays football.
After the show was over, we talked about why my son wanted to play football given the potential long-term risks to his health. He was completely irrational, only talking about how his speed and agility would keep him out of harm’s way. He never really considered what might happen if he were hit really hard and suffered a concussion that might damage his brain for life.
I realized once again that teen brains just can’t process the consequences of their actions. They do not understand what ‘irreparable long-term damage’ means. My husband said, “Let the boy be a boy”. The conversation was over, and when school started, my son was playing on not only the junior varsity but also the varsity football teams. I had lost the battle.
The football season was off to a great start. My son was highlighted on the cover of the school’s sport publication. I was more concerned about his grades and classes. He was taking six courses, four of which were at the honors or advanced placement level. He is a smart boy. But I felt that his grades were not as good as they had been the year before. The teachers all responded during parent-teacher conferences in October that he should drop a class so that he could continue with football. I was genuinely surprised that no one recommended dropping football so that he could continue with his six classes. My expectations for my son have never included sports. He is too smart to just play a game.
Early in November, I received a phone call that no mother wants to get. It was the school physician telling me that my son was injured in a football game. He was going to be fine but he had a “CONCUSSION”. He had been hit, but no one had seen exactly what had happened. When he walked off the field, however, he did not know where he was or the names of his teammates. I repeated the words slowly to make sure that I had heard them correctly. I was in a trance. I could only register the words, “He is going to be fine”.
Two months later, he is still not ‘fine’. He is suffering from short-term memory loss and processing problems. He missed a month of school. He is only taking four classes and is still sleeping too much. If you ask him a simple question like what he wants to eat, he can’t answer the question with ease.
He has seen several doctors who all tell me that he is going to be fine, but he is not fine yet. We are still waiting…
Diary of a Yale Mom
On a rainy day in August my whole family – meaning my three kids, my husband, and I – were stuck inside watching ESPN. Whenever a TV is on in any room with my husband, we all always end up watching ESPN. A special program about concussions captured our collective attention. I was shocked by the facts being presented about brain injuries associated with having concussions, and even more dismayed when I learned about diseases and conditions that are now being linked to having had a concussion.
In particular, links to Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS), to sudden and inexplicable heart attacks, to strokes, and to Parkinson’s disease caught my attention, because MY SON PLAYS FOOTBALL. And everyone acknowledges that concussions occur frequently among football players. Although my son is very fast, he is also tall and thin. His body reminds me of a baseball player’s or a tennis player’s, but not a football player’s. Yet he plays football.
After the show was over, we talked about why my son wanted to play football given the potential long-term risks to his health. He was completely irrational, only talking about how his speed and agility would keep him out of harm’s way. He never really considered what might happen if he were hit really hard and suffered a concussion that might damage his brain for life.
I realized once again that teen brains just can’t process the consequences of their actions. They do not understand what ‘irreparable long-term damage’ means. My husband said, “Let the boy be a boy”. The conversation was over, and when school started, my son was playing on not only the junior varsity but also the varsity football teams. I had lost the battle.
The football season was off to a great start. My son was highlighted on the cover of the school’s sport publication. I was more concerned about his grades and classes. He was taking six courses, four of which were at the honors or advanced placement level. He is a smart boy. But I felt that his grades were not as good as they had been the year before. The teachers all responded during parent-teacher conferences in October that he should drop a class so that he could continue with football. I was genuinely surprised that no one recommended dropping football so that he could continue with his six classes. My expectations for my son have never included sports. He is too smart to just play a game.
Early in November, I received a phone call that no mother wants to get. It was the school physician telling me that my son was injured in a football game. He was going to be fine but he had a “CONCUSSION”. He had been hit, but no one had seen exactly what had happened. When he walked off the field, however, he did not know where he was or the names of his teammates. I repeated the words slowly to make sure that I had heard them correctly. I was in a trance. I could only register the words, “He is going to be fine”.
Two months later, he is still not ‘fine’. He is suffering from short-term memory loss and processing problems. He missed a month of school. He is only taking four classes and is still sleeping too much. If you ask him a simple question like what he wants to eat, he can’t answer the question with ease.
He has seen several doctors who all tell me that he is going to be fine, but he is not fine yet. We are still waiting…
Diary of a Yale Mom
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Just as you are!
She tried in every way to understand me, and she succeeded. It was this deep loving understanding as long as she lived that more than anything else helped and sustained me on my way to success. Moe West
My youngest daughter gave me a calendar for the new year. It is a daily calendar called ‘I love you, Mom’. I confess that I smiled when she presented it to me. How could you not smile when your teenage daughter says, ‘I love you.’
Well, the answer to that question is not as easy as you think. I have a dear friend who loves her daughter but seems to want to clone herself in her daughter. For example, my friend is trying to make her daughter popular and outgoing. Yet her daughter is an introvert and has struggled with socializing with her peers. She is more comfortable with adults than with her classmates. To add to the clash of personalities, the daughter is questioning her own sexuality. My friend is a devout Catholic and cannot accept that her daughter might be gay.
I love my friend and have been trying to help her accept her daughter for the lovely person that she is, and stop trying to make her into someone that she is not. I have told my own children for years to look in the mirror to discover their true identities. What might such discovery mean? What questions does it require? Ones like, ‘Who am I?’ ‘What do I enjoy doing?’ ‘Do I like the spending time outdoors or do I prefer going to a library to read a book?’ ‘What am I passionate about?’
In asking your children to define themselves, you are asking them to discover the uniqueness of each person on earth. In the process, they will also become more tolerant of different people because they will be able to relate to others through their own journey to self-awareness.
I think as a mother that our greatest job is to identify our child's gifts and then help them reach their potential in whatever field that they want to pursue. If your child is good in Math and Science, why would you force him or her to major in History or English. I have always encouraged my children to excel in their areas of strength and continue to work on their weaknesses.
This also applies to sexuality and all other areas of one's life. If your son or daughter is questioning his or her sexuality, help by finding someone to support him or her – and while you are at it, get support for yourself. I have seen how this issue has wrecked families and has prematurely taken the lives of some talented children.
Accept your children, just as they are. Love them, hug them and encourage them to be the best that they can be even when theirs is not the dream that you had for them.
Diary of a Yale Mom
My youngest daughter gave me a calendar for the new year. It is a daily calendar called ‘I love you, Mom’. I confess that I smiled when she presented it to me. How could you not smile when your teenage daughter says, ‘I love you.’
Well, the answer to that question is not as easy as you think. I have a dear friend who loves her daughter but seems to want to clone herself in her daughter. For example, my friend is trying to make her daughter popular and outgoing. Yet her daughter is an introvert and has struggled with socializing with her peers. She is more comfortable with adults than with her classmates. To add to the clash of personalities, the daughter is questioning her own sexuality. My friend is a devout Catholic and cannot accept that her daughter might be gay.
I love my friend and have been trying to help her accept her daughter for the lovely person that she is, and stop trying to make her into someone that she is not. I have told my own children for years to look in the mirror to discover their true identities. What might such discovery mean? What questions does it require? Ones like, ‘Who am I?’ ‘What do I enjoy doing?’ ‘Do I like the spending time outdoors or do I prefer going to a library to read a book?’ ‘What am I passionate about?’
In asking your children to define themselves, you are asking them to discover the uniqueness of each person on earth. In the process, they will also become more tolerant of different people because they will be able to relate to others through their own journey to self-awareness.
I think as a mother that our greatest job is to identify our child's gifts and then help them reach their potential in whatever field that they want to pursue. If your child is good in Math and Science, why would you force him or her to major in History or English. I have always encouraged my children to excel in their areas of strength and continue to work on their weaknesses.
This also applies to sexuality and all other areas of one's life. If your son or daughter is questioning his or her sexuality, help by finding someone to support him or her – and while you are at it, get support for yourself. I have seen how this issue has wrecked families and has prematurely taken the lives of some talented children.
Accept your children, just as they are. Love them, hug them and encourage them to be the best that they can be even when theirs is not the dream that you had for them.
Diary of a Yale Mom
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
1.1.11
A new year and a new beginning. I hope that all mothers of teenagers and young adults had an uneventful New Year's Eve. I have a number of friends who decided to host parties, for their teenagers, where they buy the alcohol (mostly beer) and take the car keys of all drivers.
I am still unsure that this is a good idea but I understand the dilemma that so many parents face. Teenagers are drinking. If they are not drinking at your home, then they will do it somewhere else. Do you want your teen drinking and driving? I think not.
Our country has a double standard when it comes to the lives of our young adults. You can join the military at 18 years of age but you can not drink a glass of beer or wine. You can die serving your country at 18 but you can't have a drink. In Europe, the laws are quite different and I think more sensible.
If drinking is so bad then no one should drink no matter how old they are. I believe that we should establish tough drinking and driving rules. In Germany, if you drink and drive the fines can range up to $20,000 depending on your income. Strict enforcement of the rules would deter most drivers.
As a mother of two teenagers and one young adult, I have never hosted a party where I permitted underage drinking. My children think I am too overprotective. I will proudly wear that badge forever. Teens can die when they binge on alcohol. I do not want that kind of responsibility.
I understand why parents chose to host a party where they are in control of the amount of alcohol that is consumed. I understand why a parent might want to know what their children are doing versus staying up all night praying that they come home safely.
I understand and pray for all the mothers and fathers of teenagers and young adults. No one wants to get that phone call in the middle of the night. Parenting is really hard.
Diary of a Yale Mom
A new year and a new beginning. I hope that all mothers of teenagers and young adults had an uneventful New Year's Eve. I have a number of friends who decided to host parties, for their teenagers, where they buy the alcohol (mostly beer) and take the car keys of all drivers.
I am still unsure that this is a good idea but I understand the dilemma that so many parents face. Teenagers are drinking. If they are not drinking at your home, then they will do it somewhere else. Do you want your teen drinking and driving? I think not.
Our country has a double standard when it comes to the lives of our young adults. You can join the military at 18 years of age but you can not drink a glass of beer or wine. You can die serving your country at 18 but you can't have a drink. In Europe, the laws are quite different and I think more sensible.
If drinking is so bad then no one should drink no matter how old they are. I believe that we should establish tough drinking and driving rules. In Germany, if you drink and drive the fines can range up to $20,000 depending on your income. Strict enforcement of the rules would deter most drivers.
As a mother of two teenagers and one young adult, I have never hosted a party where I permitted underage drinking. My children think I am too overprotective. I will proudly wear that badge forever. Teens can die when they binge on alcohol. I do not want that kind of responsibility.
I understand why parents chose to host a party where they are in control of the amount of alcohol that is consumed. I understand why a parent might want to know what their children are doing versus staying up all night praying that they come home safely.
I understand and pray for all the mothers and fathers of teenagers and young adults. No one wants to get that phone call in the middle of the night. Parenting is really hard.
Diary of a Yale Mom
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