Just as you are!

She tried in every way to understand me, and she succeeded. It was this deep loving understanding as long as she lived that more than anything else helped and sustained me on my way to success. Moe West

My youngest daughter gave me a calendar for the new year. It is a daily calendar called ‘I love you, Mom’. I confess that I smiled when she presented it to me. How could you not smile when your teenage daughter says, ‘I love you.’

Well, the answer to that question is not as easy as you think. I have a dear friend who loves her daughter but seems to want to clone herself in her daughter. For example, my friend is trying to make her daughter popular and outgoing. Yet her daughter is an introvert and has struggled with socializing with her peers. She is more comfortable with adults than with her classmates. To add to the clash of personalities, the daughter is questioning her own sexuality. My friend is a devout Catholic and cannot accept that her daughter might be gay.

I love my friend and have been trying to help her accept her daughter for the lovely person that she is, and stop trying to make her into someone that she is not. I have told my own children for years to look in the mirror to discover their true identities. What might such discovery mean? What questions does it require? Ones like, ‘Who am I?’ ‘What do I enjoy doing?’ ‘Do I like the spending time outdoors or do I prefer going to a library to read a book?’ ‘What am I passionate about?’

In asking your children to define themselves, you are asking them to discover the uniqueness of each person on earth. In the process, they will also become more tolerant of different people because they will be able to relate to others through their own journey to self-awareness.

I think as a mother that our greatest job is to identify our child's gifts and then help them reach their potential in whatever field that they want to pursue. If your child is good in Math and Science, why would you force him or her to major in History or English. I have always encouraged my children to excel in their areas of strength and continue to work on their weaknesses.

This also applies to sexuality and all other areas of one's life. If your son or daughter is questioning his or her sexuality, help by finding someone to support him or her – and while you are at it, get support for yourself. I have seen how this issue has wrecked families and has prematurely taken the lives of some talented children.

Accept your children, just as they are. Love them, hug them and encourage them to be the best that they can be even when theirs is not the dream that you had for them.


Diary of a Yale Mom