Excuses and Explanations

1-11-2012

It is another day and a new year. Where did the time go? I had hoped to finish my parenting memoir last year, but life got in the way. Here is the explanation.

Less than 4 months after his first concussion playing football, my son suffered another concussion playing a pick-up game of basketball. He called me that evening and sounded groggy and very tired. I instinctively suspected that something was wrong. He was told by his doctor to put his head in a bubble wrap and never play football or basketball again. The doctor said he might be able to play baseball one day.

My son explained to me that he was tired. His speech was slurred and he sounded fatigued. He did what most teenagers do when they know that they have made a mistake; they lie. He conveniently left out the fact that he had fallen and hit his head, again. When he finally confessed the next evening after a 4-hour bus trip, he was in so much pain that he had to tell the truth.

My mother’s intuition is very powerful. I feel as if I am synced to my children’s pains and emotions even when they are thousands of miles away. I can’t explain it but I have a premonition or a feeling that something is wrong. Or is it that I can hear it in their voices? I love the fact that I know my children so very well, but sometimes it is such a burden.

The reality of the second concussion cut through me like a knife. I was afraid that he would have recurring headaches or that he may never be able to finish high school or, even worse, that he could be hemorrhaging and die in his sleep. I prayed that he would feel better the next morning. When he called I was relieved to hear his voice. He still had an agonizing headache and was sensitive to light and noise. I thought, here we go again. I told him to go to the health center. He stayed in the infirmary from Friday until Wednesday. I called a car service on Wednesday, March 30, 2011, to have him taken to his sister’s apartment, 75 miles away from his school.

I live 500 miles away from his high school. I could not just go and pick him up. I was so upset and stressed that my immune system shut down and I got the flu on Monday. To make matters worse, my second child was waiting anxiously to hear from the colleges that she had applied to but had not yet gotten a decision from. The day that all of the rest of the decisions came via email was on the Wednesday that I had to withdraw my son from school because of the second concussion.

Stress is part of living but add three children, a husband, a dog, an elderly brother, an elderly mother and a mother-in-law that I feel responsible for as well as my immediate family, and you can see why I had to stop writing. I just could not compartmentalize all of the things that I needed to get done.

So, on that Wednesday my daughter got not one, not two, but three rejections in less than 5 minutes. Whoever came up with the idea that sending out rejections via email was a good idea was not a mother. Rejection is a little easier when you get a small envelope in the mail. You don’t have to open it and read the “let me down easy” words. You just know that you did not get into your first choice. You would probably not get three rejection letters on one day either. Snail mail...is slow.

I had to console her and let her know that I was so very proud of her. I also told her how lucky she was to have four great schools who wanted her! She had been so mature when she said early in the college process, “It is not about where you want to go to school, but who wants you.” I am happy to report that a year later she is attending an amazing college that she loves and is perfect for her. Life really does have a way of working itself out in the end.

I was so sick from the flu. I am sure that the stress in my life added to my recovery time. I finally drove the 8 hours to pick up my son a week after he told me the truth. When I saw him for the first time after the second concussion, I knew that he was in a lot of pain. He had tried to return to some of his normal activities, but it was obvious that his brain injury was going to take time to heal.

Doctor Mom assesses the health status of her children to make sure they are making the right decisions. Do they need more hugs and kisses, or do they need an MRI? Analyzing the physical condition of your child is a talent. Some moms do not have the talent to truly assess a situation. They sometimes make life-ending decisions when a cold becomes pneumonia and a child dies. Yes, this has happened to a mother that I know. It is life shattering when you think that your child is okay but they are not okay, and then they die.

I held my son in my arms, I looked him in the eyes, and I felt his pain. I knew that he was unable to return to school. I knew that he was physically wounded and emotionally fragile. He slept for 16 hours a day for the next two months. The terrible thing about brain injuries is that you can’t see them on an x-ray like a broken bone. You do not see a limp from a fractured brain. Many parents push their children to resume their normal activities too quickly. Medical research has shown that a brain needs time to heal even when you can’t see that it is broken.

My son returned to school in the fall of 2011 as a repeat sophomore. He is doing fine. He made the honor roll during his first and second trimesters after his return.

I have a great excuse why I did not post for over a year. I was taking care of my son. Now, I can finally breathe and write again.

Ambition knows no obstacles except when a mother experiences the limitations that the responsibilities for her children place upon her. As a mom, the one thing you should stay focused on is raising your children to become healthy and responsible adults. Raising a child to be an independent adult is a real job. Don’t ever let any one tell you that it is not.

DAYM